Sunday, November 2, 2014

Potentially Dangerous

So, as I'm perusing through Facebook last night, I come across a status that, well, was a bit unexpected. It was a man who said that he was being stopped by the police, and if anyone didn't hear from him, to call his mom. At first, I think that all of his FB friends thought that the post was made in jest because of the "hold it down" hashtag. Unfortunately, he was very serious. He admitted that he was speeding. He also questioned them. (And we all know that you're not supposed to question "authority"...smh) Speeding, however, did not justify the attitude of the officer, the police handcuffing him, "searching" (tearing up) his car for drugs (of course), only to find out that he had nothing. The officer just should have given him a ticket and sent him on his way. This man would have been pissed about the ticket...who wouldn't be....but he wouldn't be as pissed as he is right now.

I bet you're thinking, "she's about to make a "driving while black" post.

You're wrong.

...follow me.

This post made me think back to a conversation that I had with a man when everything with Michael Brown's shooting in Ferguson happened. We're discussing the shooting. Something made us change subjects. Then, five minutes later, he asks me this:

"Why are they so scared of us?"

"Us" meaning black men.

YOUNG black men.

I heard something in his voice. It was concern. He was concerned because he is raising young black men.  And he has every right to be concerned.

I revisited that question when I woke up this morning and read the posts on that Facebook status. Here's my answer. I'm not saying that I'm right, but hey, it's MY blog and it's MY opinion. So here goes...

Let's be honest: as soon as a birth certificate is made and the sex says "MALE" and the race says "BLACK", they're considered dangerous.  This newborn boy, who can't focus yet, who doesn't know how to talk, who can only communicate by crying, is considered "dangerous". He can't walk, but he's dangerous. That birth certificate alone strikes fear into people...all because he's a black male.

OVERstand this: don't ever for ONE second think that they don't know our history! THEY KNOW OUR HISTORY BETTER THAN WE DO!!!! Why? Because they've been trying to hide our history from us forever!! They KNOW that we're the first man to walk this earth. They KNOW that we're inventors. They KNOW that  we are intelligent. They KNOW that no matter how much they try to break us down, we continue to stand taller with our heads held high. They KNOW that our black man is wanted...

....and hated at the same damn time.

They hate them, but want to be them. They want their style, their look, their demeanor. They want their women.

I want for my black men to understand that you were a king then, and you're a king now. Stand up and take your rightful place as the head of this world! The world that was created by the sweat of your brow, and the pain in your backs. The world that has attempted to turn your black woman against you. My men, WE STILL LOVE YOU!!!  We love you and will stand with you. Raise your sons to be men. Teach them that some people in this world don't want them to succeed, but that they WILL succeed because they are inheriting the world that their elders created.

To all of you raising black young men, I applaud your efforts. I pray for your strength...I pray for their success. God knows it's hard to raise a child PERIOD...but to raise a black boy when certain people automatically assume that they're "dangerous" is a whole different realm in itself.

Come to think of it, our young black men are VERY dangerous...

...their POTENTIAL makes them that way!



Monday, September 29, 2014

Story Time

You wanna read a fairy tale? Everyone likes fairy tales, right? Well, let me tell you one...

Once upon a time, there was a queen. Sadly, she didn't know that she was a queen. She didn't know that she deserved a king, so she settled for court jesters and commoners. One day, a king approached her. He wanted to sweep her off of her feet. His desire was to share his kingdom with her. The king told her on a constant basis how beautiful she was, and that no other woman could come close to being her. This king only had eyes for her, and she knew that. She was so used to the commoners that she couldn't understand why this king wanted her. Finally, the king gave up. He told her that he could no longer play second to a court jester. He told her that she was a queen, and she should act as such. He left her...alone. At that moment, the queen realized that she was royalty, and decided to reclaim her throne.

Were you expecting a happy ending? I mean, it has one, just not the one that you wanted.

But did you get it? No? Let me try this...

I don't think that we as women know that we're descendants of royalty. I think that we feel that we can't get any better than the court jester, so we settle for them and the bullshit jokes that they tell. At some point, we have to understand that we shouldn't be crying the way that we do behind men who only care about themselves. We have to know that we deserve more for our lives. 

We settle because we think that there aren't any "good men" out there. We confine ourselves to a box because of our circumstances...our town...our physical appearance. We think that only a certain type of man would want us. I'm here to tell you that I've had men from every walk of life try to get with me: short, tall, broke, business owners, fat, fine as hell...

...my GOD fine as hell....oh wait...I lost focus... 

...ok....I'm back.

What I'm saying is that you must have the confidence to know that you are a great catch. YOU have to believe it, because if you don't, then that man that you're looking at won't. Pick your head up, throw those shoulders back, and put on that smile. Whether you know it or not, someone is watching you.
  
Learn to love yourselves. I'm learning to love myself all over again. There was a period of time that I couldn't stand who I saw in the mirror. I would ask that sucka "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the prettiest of them all?" It would never respond. Finally I asked this question, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the most BEAUTIFUL of them all?" The mirror responded with a smile...MY smile. Anyone can tell you that you're pretty...beautiful is something totally different. I had to remind myself how beautiful that I was, inside and out. And that is when the loving myself process started all over again.

I had to remind myself that I'm royalty. I'm a queen. I'm the mother of a princess. I deserve the best and she deserves to see what a king looks like. 

(I mean...I don't have my king YET, but he's coming....LOL)

 I'm a queen. Maybe you didn't understand that...

I AM A QUEEN!!!!!

...and you WILL treat me as such!!!


Sunday, September 21, 2014

Life is a Highway

Before I begin, understand that this blog is VERY random. I have a lot on my mind. There is no rhyme or reason to this. If you choose to keep reading, cool. If not, who cares? 

Can it be that it was all so simple?

Nope. It never is. As much as you want it to be, it never truly is.

Understand this: just because YOU want it simple, doesn't mean that the people in your life wants it that way. Some people just love drama. It's who they are. Some people will purposely make things complicated just so that they can have drama. They love it. They crave it. They NEED it. And when you're around someone who's like that, you should just move around, right?

It's not that simple. When you've been around people for so long, or if you've been in a relationship for a while, you don't want to leave them on the side of the road. The question is this: how can you move forward to your destination if they need help all of the time? You can't. You have to let them figure out how to move on their own. It's not that you don't want for them to reach their destination, but you have to know that you have a different stop than they do. So you keep moving. And you will hurt. You will hurt because you want that person to move with you. And it's ok to hurt. But it's NOT ok to stay stuck in traffic, feel me? Your path is yours. Their path is theirs. 

Another thing: I'll be 40 next April. I've either become extremely grouchy, or I can't deal with stupid shit. I have told several people not to even talk to me because you won't like my opinion. The minute that you say "what do you think I should do?", I'm going to tell you. You won't like my response. In fact, you'll probably hate it. NOT MY PROBLEM!!!! I've been side-eyeing people a lot. I'm trying not to ask "are you a fucking idiot??", because I swear that they are. When I walk away, people think that I'm being silly. I'm trying to save you from getting this work. My mouth is very fly, so it's best that I move around. Otherwise, you'll be upset with me...not that I care...but I'm just saying....

Recently, I've been judged on my past. I've done some shit that wasn't right. I've done shit that was downright stupid and selfish. If I even TOUCHED on the shit that I've done, most of you wouldn't talk to my ass anymore. But you know what??? IT'S MY SHIT!!!!  I can own up to my mistakes...my past. And that's just what it is...MY PAST!!!  My past has brought me to where I am today. The thing about my past is this: I can teach others from my mistakes. That's what you should know about Misty: I'm not going to speak on anything that I haven't gone through. My past has taught me who I was, who I am, and who I'm destined to be. But go ahead, keep judging. It's ok. I'm woman enough to know that I've pulled some bullshit stunts, but I've matured and overcome them all. The first step is admitting that you've done wrong. Hey...most folks can't do that shit though. *shrugs*

I recently asked God to do something. He's doing it. And the way that He did it really messed my head up. I'm listening though. I got You. I'm going to be wherever You lead me.

(Yes, I went from cussing to God. I'm being worked on. Shut up.)

There's so much shit that I want to say, but I don't. Yes, even I know how to shut the fuck up sometimes. I'll just look and smile. It's my filter. It's the way that I step back and say, "Say girl, you'd better leave that thought in your damn head!" Not too many people get to enjoy who I truly am, simply because people aren't brave enough to do so. I'm more than what you see on social media. I'm more than what you've heard about me. You wanna know about Misty, then ASK MISTY. Plain and simple.

By the way, I miss my kid. She's a good girl. Truth be known, I miss her little friends too. Those girls have their heads on straight. I pray that they stay that way.

This randomness has made my head hurt. I thought that this would make me feel better. It didn't.  But it's out there now. Fuck it. Whatever. I'm going study.


Thursday, February 27, 2014

What???

I don't know why I'm writing this. I have no idea what I'm about to say. My soul feels like writing, so I am. Maybe I have something to purge & I don't know how to let it out. Let's see how this goes...

Lately, I've been making my friends & loved ones hold themselves accountable for their decisions. I can no longer pacify people, including myself. I want the people that are close to me to force themselves to go to the next level, & not take a lifetime to do so. I'm 38 years old & I've procrastinated most of my life. And for what? Life just passed me by. And now, I'm back in school...again...while my child is preparing to graduate from high school. Who does that? Don't get me wrong, I'm loving the decision that I've made, but I should have done this a LONG time ago. I could say that "life happened", but it would be an excuse. I've given so many excuses in my life. I'm not about to sit around & allow my friends to do the same. It's begun to hurt me to see my friends hurting. And now, because I'm giving them "tough love", I think they're beginning to resent me. Don't get it twisted, I don't give a damn if they're resenting me. I'd rather them hate me than for them to keep making the same mistakes over & over again...

....I'm guilty of that shit. All that it does is cause more pain. If you can stop the pain, then do so. Don't just put a band-aid over it & keep pulling it off of the wound. That shit hurts.

Then there's the negative people. OMG I become ill around people like that! And to think, I was once one of those people!!!  Let me thank GOD that He's helping me change my thinking!!!  I think it was why I was constantly having migraines...why my life wasn't going right...why I put up with just anything. I had to learn to love ME again. Now, let's get one thing out of the way, just because I'm learning to love me again, it's NOT an excuse as to why I'm single. Oh HELL NAW!!! WHEN a good man comes my way, I'm going to pull out my resume & show him why I'm the right candidate for the job. KMSL!!!!

I've made my share of mistakes. There's one that I've been beating myself up over for a while now. I know that I shouldn't. It is what it is. I can't help but be upset with myself about it. It's my little secret. I'll speak on it eventually, I guess. As for now, I have to stop giving myself a black eye because of this. I have to tell myself that it's a lesson learned, as everything in life is. *shrugs*

If you're close to me, understand that this is who I am now. I can no longer sit & watch someone be unhappy. Me being who I am, I want for everyone to smile. It USED to be that I would be sad & never show it so that others could be happy. I'm not sacrificing my happiness anymore. Selfish? Yep...it damn sure is! However, someone close told me one day that I need to become more selfish...so I am. 

Wait...that whole last paragraph was random. Let me try to focus again...

I'm going to call you out on your shit. I think the rational me has left the building. People don't understand being rational. Sometimes you have to say things differently in order for people to get the true meaning of what you're trying to convey.  So, I'm going a different route. I'm going to be more blunt in CERTAIN situations. If you're looking for sympathy, I don't have it. That part of me is busted. 

I guess that I just had to ramble for a bit. If you read this thinking, "what was her point?"....well...sometimes I don't need one. Sometimes, I just need to rant about absolutely nothing. Ah well!

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

You THINK You Need It

It took me a minute to write this one. I had to do some serious thinking, because I know that many won't understand this blog. Let me rephrase that...it's not that people WON'T understand it, it's that people don't really want to do so. Let's start off with a vocabulary lesson, shall we?

closure - (noun) 1. The act of closing or the state of being closed.
                         2. Something that closes or shuts.
                         3. A bringing to an end; a conclusion.
                         4. the property of being mathematically closed.

I'm going to focus on the third meaning of this word. 

People always say "I need closure" or "I'll be at peace when I get closure". It's human nature to want closure about things, whether it's relationships, deaths, or trying to get an understanding about what happened with a certain situation. Here's the thing about closure:

You may never get it.

Ever.

Ever...in...life.

Follow me for a minute: let's say that your relationship ended abruptly. You never saw it coming. You were shocked, & you're sitting there trying to figure out what happened. Why did it happen? What did you do wrong? You go from the first day that you met until the day that it ended, trying to figure out why that person no longer wants you. All of a sudden you decide that you need closure. One question for you: what if that person doesn't want to give you the closure that you think that you deserve? Are you going to stop living your life because you didn't get that closure from that person? 

(ok, that was two questions, but you get my point)

Although it feels like it at the time, you can't stop your life because you didn't get that closure. It's life. Life happens.

Something else that you should ponder: maybe, just maybe, God is saving you from a deeper hurt by NOT giving you the closure that you feel you need. That "closure" could be the worst thing that's ever happened to you. It may bring forth other issues that you're not mentally or emotionally ready to handle. It's God's way of protecting you.  

Here's my point: sometimes not getting closure IS your closure.

Does that make sense? You can't go through life thinking "If I had just gotten that closure I'd be doing something different" or "I needed that closure to move on". No you don't. You need the strength that God gave you to move on. That's it. Nothing else. 

Be at peace about not having closure. You may have no other choice. 

(And this is the way that I'm ending this blog. This is my blog closure. I didn't know any other way to end it this time. LOL)




Tuesday, January 14, 2014

My Super Hero

It's the first blog of 2014, which means I made it through 2013!

I can't say that I wasn't ready for the year to end, because I was. For some reason, the end of each year ends shitty for me. It never fails. Something always happens to me at the end of the year. I might speak on it, I might not...but something ALWAYS happens to me. This year, it happened again. Too much happened. I almost broke...ALMOST. I can't let that happen though. Not me.

2014 has already started off terribly. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that I'm blessed, but I also know that I could have handled a lot of things differently.

Wait...I just lost my train of thought. Morgan is singing a Beyonce' song, "Superpower"...and she's singing it so beautifully. WOW!!!!

Now here's where my A.D.D. kicks in. (My friends & I always clown about us all having A.D.D....lol)  Just when I was about to write about something, my thoughts have changed.

This child of mine. My only daughter. My beautiful angel. My teenager. My strength. My love. My comedian. My realist. My sanity....

....graduates June 5, 2014.

For 17 years, I've watched this child in amazement. I know what you're thinking: what parent doesn't think that they're child is great??  And that's true! However, you have to hear my daughter to understand.

She's wise beyond her years. There's no gray area with her. It's black or it's white. It's right or wrong. And, as harsh as her words may come out, she speaks nothing but the honest truth. And if you can't handle that, she doesn't care. She'll tell you that's YOUR problem, not hers.

I wonder if she knows how many tears that I've shed already because I know her big day is coming up. What she DOESN'T know is that I am praying that she goes further than I have in education. Let's be real about this: anyone can graduate high school...graduating college is a CHOICE. I constantly tell her to be better than her "ma". Ma just decided to go back to school last semester. I tell her all of the time that I'm so proud of her, because I am. My honor roll student...and, if I have any say in it, my future psychologist!!!!  (She's majoring in forensic psychology...WOW!!!!)

I'm going to miss her laugh when she leaves for college. She has this big laugh that makes ME laugh. I'm going to miss our silly conversations about everything....and nothing. Her insight on things makes me think. She's just...wonderful!

For now, I'm going to cherish these moments. I have to say, I'm blessed. I haven't had any major trouble out of her (except for the usual teenage shit...but who doesn't go through that?). She's well-rounded, & even though she comes across as "mean", she's one of the most caring people that I know.

So, if you see me crying & smiling at the same time, it's because of her. It's because I'm a proud ma. I thought that I had prepared myself for this year, but I haven't. I'm sure that my emotions will be all over the place, but I know that the end result is going to be worth the tears.

I know one damn thing though....if she doesn't turn off this damn "Drunk In Love" I'm going to throw this laptop at her!!!  (She's playing it & laughing because she knows that it gets on my nerves.)

**Pumpkin, if you EVER read this blog, know that I've loved you from the first moment that I laid eyes on you. Your smile lights up my heart, those silly looks of yours keeps me laughing, your intellect amazes me. You are the BEST thing that's ever happened to me. I honestly don't know where I would be if God hadn't blessed me with you. You will never feel unloved because MA LOVES YOU TO LIFE!!! **