Sunday, August 5, 2012

The Insomnia Diaries

So here I am...awake, when I should be asleep. Again. As usual. It's 3:12 in the morning & I'm wired. I'm talking about I'm awake like I'm about to head to the mall or something.

I've gotten used to it. I've been like this ever since my surgery last year. After my hysterectomy, I don't think that my sleep patterns have ever been right.  It pisses me off that I can't sleep. I pray for sleep..I beg for sleep. I NEED this sleep!

My mind is racing this time around. Too many thoughts...WAY too many thoughts. Damn this idle mind of mine...I need to pull this together & pray this feeling away.

My legs hurt too. I think that I danced too much tonight. I mean, I had a lot of fun, but I'm regretting it right now because...well...I can't sleep.

Wait...was that a yawn???

Dammit...false alarm.

Back to my rant. I have a lot on my mind. There's a lot that I have to do. Maybe I should write that down. That way I can start scratching things off of that list.

I also have a lot on my heart. At this point though, I don't think that I'll ever let anyone know what it is. I guess I could write that down too just so that I can get it off of my chest.

Yeah...that needs to be done too.

The sad part is that although I need to do these things, I already know that I won't write down shit. This crap will probably sit on my heart & mind until I feel like I'm going to explode...

...and that's when I usually let it all out. Is that a good thing? Nope. It never is. You would think that I would learn that lesson by now. Count it to my being lazy. *shrugs*

I've paced the floor too. I should have worn the floor out by now. It's strange that it's still in tact.

Maybe God is trying to speak to me. He's been coming through loud & clear lately. I'm sure that He's always done that, but I just wasn't listening as I should. Now I hear Him. I guess that's the one plus about my insomnia: I'm beginning to hear my Creator speak to me...telling me to come closer to learn more about His word.

Gotcha God...I'm listening.

If I could only make some power moves at this time of the night, I could get a lot more done. The only thing that I can do out here is go to Wal-Mart, & that place will get you in trouble. I'm not about to go in there for one thing & come out with 15. I'll stay in the house. I'll have more money that way.

See how random this blog was? I mean, not one word made any sense, did it? This is what happens when you can't sleep. You write about a whole bunch of nothing.

When I get some sleep, you'll be able to read a better blog. Hopefully, that will be soon.