It's the first blog of 2014, which means I made it through 2013!
I can't say that I wasn't ready for the year to end, because I was. For some reason, the end of each year ends shitty for me. It never fails. Something always happens to me at the end of the year. I might speak on it, I might not...but something ALWAYS happens to me. This year, it happened again. Too much happened. I almost broke...ALMOST. I can't let that happen though. Not me.
2014 has already started off terribly. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that I'm blessed, but I also know that I could have handled a lot of things differently.
Wait...I just lost my train of thought. Morgan is singing a Beyonce' song, "Superpower"...and she's singing it so beautifully. WOW!!!!
Now here's where my A.D.D. kicks in. (My friends & I always clown about us all having A.D.D....lol) Just when I was about to write about something, my thoughts have changed.
This child of mine. My only daughter. My beautiful angel. My teenager. My strength. My love. My comedian. My realist. My sanity....
....graduates June 5, 2014.
For 17 years, I've watched this child in amazement. I know what you're thinking: what parent doesn't think that they're child is great?? And that's true! However, you have to hear my daughter to understand.
She's wise beyond her years. There's no gray area with her. It's black or it's white. It's right or wrong. And, as harsh as her words may come out, she speaks nothing but the honest truth. And if you can't handle that, she doesn't care. She'll tell you that's YOUR problem, not hers.
I wonder if she knows how many tears that I've shed already because I know her big day is coming up. What she DOESN'T know is that I am praying that she goes further than I have in education. Let's be real about this: anyone can graduate high school...graduating college is a CHOICE. I constantly tell her to be better than her "ma". Ma just decided to go back to school last semester. I tell her all of the time that I'm so proud of her, because I am. My honor roll student...and, if I have any say in it, my future psychologist!!!! (She's majoring in forensic psychology...WOW!!!!)
I'm going to miss her laugh when she leaves for college. She has this big laugh that makes ME laugh. I'm going to miss our silly conversations about everything....and nothing. Her insight on things makes me think. She's just...wonderful!
For now, I'm going to cherish these moments. I have to say, I'm blessed. I haven't had any major trouble out of her (except for the usual teenage shit...but who doesn't go through that?). She's well-rounded, & even though she comes across as "mean", she's one of the most caring people that I know.
So, if you see me crying & smiling at the same time, it's because of her. It's because I'm a proud ma. I thought that I had prepared myself for this year, but I haven't. I'm sure that my emotions will be all over the place, but I know that the end result is going to be worth the tears.
I know one damn thing though....if she doesn't turn off this damn "Drunk In Love" I'm going to throw this laptop at her!!! (She's playing it & laughing because she knows that it gets on my nerves.)
**Pumpkin, if you EVER read this blog, know that I've loved you from the first moment that I laid eyes on you. Your smile lights up my heart, those silly looks of yours keeps me laughing, your intellect amazes me. You are the BEST thing that's ever happened to me. I honestly don't know where I would be if God hadn't blessed me with you. You will never feel unloved because MA LOVES YOU TO LIFE!!! **