In my short 36 years on this earth, I've been asked a lot of questions. Some average ("How tall are you?" "Do you have any kids?"), some just rude ("How big are they?" "Can I put my head there?"). However, there is one question that I was asked recently that I've NEVER been asked...and I have to admit, it's been on my mind for a minute now...
"When did you fall out of love with me?"
What a question, right? I really wasn't prepared for that one. Then again, who would be? Usually I'm the one asking a question of that sort. When a relationship ends, I'm usually asking what happened. I've never asked that question though....ever...
...but someone asked me this question, & I didn't know how to answer it.
How do you answer a question like this without the other person's feelings getting hurt more than they already are?
Truth be known...you can't.
I've always been honest when it comes to matters of the heart. There's no sense in pussy-footing around when it comes to love & emotions...so I don't. This question threw me for a loop though. How do I answer this question, especially when I wasn't quite sure when it happened.
I knew the HOW...but not the WHEN.
The "how": not enough attention, being put on the backburner for everything & everyone else, not listening to me...
...you know, the typical shit.
Then I began thinking...the WHEN started when I never received any of the HOWS, if that makes sense. Better yet, the WHEN really began when I started receiving it from someone else.
Remember the old adage "what you don't do, someone else will?" Yeah, well it happened...unexpectedly, but it did happen.
I yelled, screamed & did everything that I could to get him to understand what I desired. Nothing. Was I supposed to wait around? I'm getting older, hell. I can't do that...I WON'T do that...not again.
So, after careful thought, I had the honest answer...it's not a cute answer...but it's THE answer...(and the one that he received)...
"Through it all I've been there for you. Anything you asked for, I gave it. A relationship is supposed to be with two people, but for some reason, it never felt like that. I gave & you took. I have no more to give...no more compassion, no more caring, no more love. A relationship is supposed to progress...we never did. WHEN did I fall out of love with you? The moment that you sucked the last ounce of love out of me. The moment when love no longer felt like love, but an obligation because of who you were & what we were in the past. You asked if someone else has my attention, but you already knew the answer to that. If you wanted me happy, TRULY happy, then you'll just let me go like I've been begging you to do. I can no longer pretend that this is ok when it's not. You'll always have a special place in my heart, but I can't continue to argue & cry like this. It's not good, for either one of us. I hope that you understand...if not, then there's nothing that I can do about it."
He didn't like the answer...he hated the answer...but it was, indeed, my answer.
Never said that the answer was right...or perfect...but it's the truth. Simple & plain.